Y’all, I’m actually reading - like full, hardcover, printed & bound books. I feel like a millennial trope who just can’t with longform, but if I’m being really honest, reading books has never come easily to me. I’ve always struggled to sit still long enough to get engulfed in a book. Some of my earliest memories of reading involve assignments for class in elementary school, when we were tasked with reading for 15 minutes a night. I would sit on a chair in the living room, and my dad would put a 15min timer on the microwave, and time would just i n c h by. My eyes would dart back and forth from the microwave to whatever book I was trying to read, willing the time to move faster (ultimately leaving me confused & without any real meaning or joy gleaned from the book).

Much of my life in reading has felt similar- though without the microwave timer - I have trouble staying focused and still long enough to make meaning out of what’s on the page. I think this, coupled with the school-learned habit of reading-as-fast-as-possible-to-just-get-it-done, has left me with a lot of complicated feelings about reading and whether I am “good” at it.

I’ve long preempted what I assume can only be derision from anyone I talk to about books by saying “oh, I’m just not a reader” or “I’m a bad reader”, but lately I’ve found my position softening. I was reading a newsletter my friend Carolyn Li-Madeo sends out periodically, and in it, she described her relationship to her reading habits of late: “maybe someday I will be a focused reader again, but for now I am enjoying wandering” and oohwee, I love the idea of just allowing yourself being a wandering reader. I suddenly felt so much more at ease the fact that Eggshell Skull by Bri Lee(gifted to me by a dear Australian friend, and former podcast guest, Lauren Hunter) took me over 3 years to finish. In a way, it felt like I needed to grow up a bit before I could really take the whole text in - like I needed a firmer base before I could fully ingest the content (it is a heavy subject matter, but Bri writes about it so so well, imho).

I recently got really excited about books while we were in a small town in Northern California, and I decided to follow the impulse and pick up a few new-to-me books to put on my nightstand and to fill in my (very small) portion of the bookshelves I share with Josh. (I got some fiber craft books too, which look great! I’ll share about those sometime soon).

Here’s what I’ve been reading (and nibbling on, picking up and putting down):

Female Friends by Fay Weldon - a total curveball that just stuck out to me at a used book store. The writing is so funny, jarring, and sometimes downright cruel. It was a great one to get me “back in the saddle”, so to speak.

All We Can Save - ed. Ayana Elizabeth Johnson & Katharine K. Wilkinson - I love books that are collections of essays on an important topic. So far it’s been inspiring & informing.

Tender At the Bone- Ruth Reichl - I devoured this book (pun intended), Ruth Reichl is a really compelling writer.

The Weetzie Bat books - This is YA that my dear friend Grace recommended I read and I cannot put it down. Quirky/sweet/ahead of its time.

Emergent Strategy - adrienne marie brown - I love picking this book up when the mood strikes, I was made aware of it at an improvisational dance workshop I took over Zoom last year, and it is full of intelligent and interesting ways to show up in the world.

Something Bright, Then Holes - Maggie Nelson. Maggie Nelson’s The Argonauts is one of my all time favorite books, so I couldn’t pass this up when I saw it at the book store.

The New Jim Crow - Michelle Alexander - This is a book I start & stop and listen to on audiobook from the library when it’s available. It’s going to take me a while to get all the way through it and digest it fully (it’s meaty and so important).

A Thousand Mornings - Mary Oliver - A sweet one to pick up when I wake up in the morning.

Seeing this list of books before me, noticing myself softening into a habit of reading as I wind myself down for the evening, I feel hopeful. I don’t know how long this wave of reading-energy will last, but I’m here for it while it does.